Understanding Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Wedding invitations are more than just a way to inform your guests about the big day; they set the tone for your celebration and serve as the first impression of your wedding. Whether planning a formal black-tie affair or a laid-back garden party, understanding the nuances of wedding invitation etiquette can ensure your invites are beautiful and respectful. 

As your resident expert on all things pen-and-ink, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Victoria, your go-to calligrapher based in Bergen County, New Jersey. With years of experience in the fashion industry, I now specialize in creating custom wedding invitation suites, heirloom-worthy commissions, and on-site calligraphy for live events. My passion is turning love stories into works of art, one perfectly penned letter at a time.



Here’s your comprehensive guide:



1. Timing Is Everything

When it comes to wedding invitations, timing is critical. Sending your invites too late might leave guests scrambling to RSVP, while sending them too early could result in forgotten details. Here’s the ideal timeline:

  • Save the Dates: Send these 6-8 months before the wedding. For destination weddings, aim for 8-12 months in advance.

  • Invitations: Mail your invitations 8-10 weeks before the wedding. For destination weddings, give guests at least 12 weeks.

  • RSVP Deadline: Set the RSVP deadline 3-4 weeks before the wedding to allow enough time for final headcounts and seating arrangements.



2. Addressing Invitations

Properly addressing your invitations shows respect and sets a formal tone. Here’s how to do it:

  • Outer Envelope: Include titles and full names (e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith").

  • Inner Envelope: This is where you can be less formal (e.g., "John and Mary").

  • Guests and Children: Clearly indicate who is invited by writing their names on the envelope. If children are welcome, include their names under their parents’ names.



3. Wording Matters

The wording of your invitation should match the tone and formality of your wedding. Here are key elements to include:

  • Host Line: Traditionally, whoever is hosting (often the bride’s parents) is listed first. For modern weddings, both families or the couple themselves can be listed.

  • Request Line: Use phrasing like "request the honor of your presence" for religious venues or "request the pleasure of your company" for secular locations.

  • Details: Include the date, time, venue, and reception information.

  • Dress Code: If there’s a specific dress code, mention it at the bottom (e.g., "Black Tie Attire").

  • RSVP Information: Provide a reply card or RSVP details, including a deadline and any dietary requests.



4. Managing RSVPs

An organized RSVP process is key to avoiding last-minute surprises. Here’s how to streamline it:

  • Include Pre-Stamped RSVP Cards: Make it as easy as possible for guests to respond.

  • Offer Online Options: Provide a website or email for tech-savvy guests.

  • Follow Up: Politely follow up with anyone who hasn’t responded by the deadline.



5. Handling Plus-Ones

Plus-one etiquette can get tricky, but clarity is your best friend:

  • Who Gets a Plus-One: Typically, married, engaged, or long-term couples should be invited together. For single guests, it’s up to your discretion.

  • Be Clear: Use the guest’s name and their plus-one’s name on the invite. If you’re not offering a plus-one, address the invite to just the individual.



6. Special Considerations

Every wedding is unique, so you may need to navigate some specific scenarios:

  • No Kids Policy: If your wedding is adults-only, politely indicate this on the invite or your wedding website (e.g., "We respectfully request no children at the celebration").

  • Destination Weddings: Include travel information and accommodations with your invite or direct guests to a wedding website.

  • Gift Preferences: Avoid mentioning gift registries on the invite itself. Instead, include this information on your wedding website.



7. Sending Thanks

Good etiquette doesn’t end with the wedding. Send thank-you notes within three months of your wedding day to show your gratitude for your guests’ attendance and gifts.



Conclusion: Make It Personal

While wedding invitation etiquette provides a helpful framework, your invitations should ultimately reflect you and your partner’s personalities. Add thoughtful touches, like custom calligraphy or a heartfelt message, to make your invitations unforgettable. With a little attention to detail, you’ll create an inviting start to a day your guests will cherish forever.

Victoria Pangionewedding etiquette, wedding calligraphy, wedding invitation suite